Finding the Me in Mum-me!

quote-mother-kids-independenceEveryone says that blogging is addictive, but this is going too far! On Friday I was so absorbed in writing the post The Kiss Goodbye that time stood still – well at least for me it did!

Cyber Kids v Real Kids

When I did look at the clock to my horror it said 3.25pm, and I should leave for school at 3pm!! So I was like a crazy thing tearing around the place and charging off to school. Biscuit and Berry were happily kicking a football around with their friends, unfazed by my lack of punctuality.

However the irony of the situation does make me smile. I was so busy thinking about my cyber kids ‘Biscuit’ and ‘Berry’ that I forgot to attend the real life versions of them!

Something Missing?

So having learned my lesson, the next day Berry was at a friend’s place and Biscuit was at sailing. With tough conditions on the ocean he was cold and tired when I collected him at 6pm, and looking forward to the promise of a warming dinner and a movie.

But…while he was out I had been absorbed in completing my About Me page in the blog and guess what…I remembered to collect him (Yay!) but forgot to cook dinner (Boo!).

So what can I take away from all this? Set a phone alarm!!

What’s so addictive about blogging? When I write I find a place that I haven’t visited for many years.  A place within me.

A Place Within Me

Writing is like taking a new lover; absorbing, enthralling and consuming. I long for it when I’m not able to get away from other things, I anticipate it while doing those things and I feel it’s pulse in my body all the time.

Although the dinners and the school runs may have been missed recently, I think something deeper has been missing for longer. Me. And my connection to self.

Strange really, that by reflecting on my role as mum, I have started to discover me! But I guess that’s a symptom of the children getting more independent, they’ve left a space where mummy used to be. Now they only need mum and so that leaves more time for me!

Re-packaging Mummy!

Mummy, a word full of promise.

mum-baby-love-mummy-not-just-a-nameInspiring, protecting and comforting;  ‘Mummy’ is much more than just a name. Fourteen years ago my baby boy was placed in my arms and a whole new chapter of my life began. My new role as a Mummy was full of promise, I had joined an exclusive group whose knowledge could only be gained through lived experience. For the first time in my life I became an instant ‘expert’! It was strange how quickly I learned things about baby Biscuit that other people didn’t spot; the way his cry changed from hunger to pain, the little noises that meant he needed sleep or wanted cuddles. This was when I realised that I did know more about my own baby than anyone else!

My baby was my world and I was his.

Being a Mummy was like falling in love, but without the worry of whether it was reciprocal! My baby was my world and I was his. Simple. Although at times being Biscuit’s Mummy was fraught with anxiety and challenged me to make tough decisions I loved the role, and discovered Mummy was the name I had always known.

Who is Mummy?

I’m often the inspiring, loving and respected Mummy, but sometimes I’m the grumpy, bored and taken-for-granted Mummy!  I am the one that keeps the balls in the air for our family.  Like a project manager I run the schedules, manage the costs and complete the check lists for the smooth running of Team K. I do get it wrong at times. We go over budget, miss deadlines and have a bumpy ride!  But most of the time it’s what makes me tick.

Being Mummy to Biscuit and Berry has been my most fulfilling, demanding and emotionally satisfying role.

Goodbye Mummy?

This year I had some tough news; the boys decided that they are too old to call me Mummy.

In theory I agreed with them, at 14 and 11 they should start call me Mum.  I remember the sting of being laughed at by some older girls in high school after they overheard me say ‘goodbye Mummy’.

So I moved from Mummy 2 Mum!

First steps on a new journey.

Mummy wordle

Is Mum the same as Mummy?

But that change was more than just a name.

This would be the first step in the long  process of letting go. The boys don’t need so many cuddles, they entertain themselves and seek independence rather than being my little shadow!

So what is my new role as Mum to adolescent boys? I don’t know just yet, and the irony isn’t lost on me when I say it’s like being handed that new-born all over again! I’m the ‘expert’ on my own kids, so I’m just going to have to work it out, the way I did when they were babies!

They still need a listening ear, feeding, protecting, encouraging, soothing, inspiring and the occasional hug (just not in-front of their friends!). It seems like the same stuff Mummy did just delivered in new packaging!

I can do that. I can re-package Mummy and become a Mum of teens!

Have your children stopped calling you Mummy yet? Did the change in name bother you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!