Finding My Why

Mark manson quote 1I’ve been carrying around  an unwanted guest for about 10 years, and I’m over it!

The first time I noticed that cheeky hitch-hiker was after my first pregnancy. As a new Mum I was at home full-time, lonely and tired; food was a comforting staple when there was nobody to talk to.

I got used to bigger portions and regular cupboard cruising, and soon I was 7 kilos heavier. That unwelcome guest made itself known by rolling over the top of my jeans, forcing me out of a bikini and forming a spare tyre under my bra.

A second baby, 2 miscarriages and an international re-location invited a further 3 kilos to join the party; they felt right at home snuggling into my belly and thighs. I adjusted clothing sizes, styles and stopped trying things on at the shops; bright lights and multiple mirrors were no longer my friends!

And now here I am, 43 years old, adapting my life to suit that unwelcome guest; my extra 10 Kilos!

Living Together

I make that 10 Kilos feel very welcome, adjusting all sorts of things so she can live with me.

I walk instead of running to avoid jiggling too much, I wear stretch jeans to accommodate her and loose floaty tops to flatter her. In fact, we’ve really become friends; she’s a symbol of all those moments of happiness found in eating second helpings, saying yes to pudding and washing it down with plenty of wine. Why would I even want to get rid of her?

And there it is, the burning unanswered question; what’s my Why?

Changing My Why

Awareness precedes change

Calvin Coyles

I have made many attempts over the years to change, but I never identified my why. What was my inspiring reason to commit, to persist when it got tough and drive myself to achieve change? I’ve been working to discover my why, and it’s been a lot harder than I thought it would be.

My why, my purpose and my inspiration for the last 15 years has been my children. They are the light that brightens every day and the reason I get up in the morning. I am a Mum that has thrown myself into parenting, thriving on being needed. But I’m at a cross roads now; they don’t need me as much!

At 12 and 15 I’ve done my job well and they are confident happy people growing to independence. I’m proud of the young men they’re becoming, but I’m aware of a silence surrounding me. I hadn’t noticed it before because it was filled with children’s voices; asking for a story, clamoring for dinner, laughing with their friends.

In the silence after they go out for the day, I find what’s left of me.  And I’m not sure I like what I see.

I see someone who:

  • Snacks secretly in the pantry
  • Get’s undressed with the lights off
  • Hopes her husband doesn’t catch sight of her in the shower
  • Edits herself out of the family photo album
  • Holds her tummy in when looking in the mirror
  • Is horrified to see her reflection when she forgets to hold her tummy in!
  • Can’t remember the last time she felt good naked
  • Worries about wearing bathers in public
  • Stopped feeling sexy a long time ago

Yesterday an article by Mark Manson brought a new level of awareness to my thinking. He wrote about the lies we tell ourselves and it dawned on me; I can’t find my why until I recognise my lie.

What’s My Lie?

Instead of asking what’s my why, ask what’s my lie?

I spotted mine pretty quickly when I re-read this post.

I wrote that I’ve become friends with that extra 10 Kilos. How can I imagine calling this impostor a friend?

She’s hijacked my wardrobe, turned the lights out on my sex life and made me feel like a victim! I would never put up with that from a friend, and I WONT put up with it from her!

So I’m breaking up with her, we’re finished!

I know she won’t go easily, it’ll be a messy, but I’m determined to find the me I really want to be.

What’s My Why?

My why, my purpose, my inspiration is to lose weight and get fit:

  1. To feel sexy again – I want to feel confident, desirable and passionate
  2. To prove that I can change – I want to prove to myself that I can stick to something and make a change
  3. To feel proud of my photo in the family album – I want to see photos of me laughing, connecting and exploring with my family.

What’s your why?

Have you got a purpose that drives you? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.


Lisa is about to embark on a 6 week mind & body transformation, follow her  journey and read her reflections by signing up for weekly email updates.

Cuddle Fairy

Find this article at the Candid Cuddles link-up

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For more information on body transformation follow the link to Advanced Fitness.





  1. Becky, Cuddle Fairy says:

    Beautiful post, Lisa.I think your words are the thoughts & feelings of so many mothers. We put ourselves aside & focus on the kids. Thinking about what we are about & what we need is so important too! Good luck with your weight loss! Thanks so much for linking up with #candidcuddles x
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…My Week at a Glance 16My Profile

    • Lisa says:

      Thanks for the words of encouragement Becky, many mum’s develop the habit of putting everyone before themselves, but it’s knowing when to break that cycle that’s the tricky part!

  2. Katie (Growing Up KaterTot) says:

    What a fantastic way to look at situations you want to change in your life. First think of the “lie(s)” and then the “why!” The concept applies to everything, and I LOVE it! I completely agree- we lie to keep ourselves happy in the moment. But in reality, we should determine our “whys” and use them to change ourselves. Thank you so much for linking up with #candidcuddles, Lisa!

    • Lisa says:

      Katie , it’s great to read your comment because you express exactly the light-bulb moment that I felt when I read that explanation! I have been struggling to identify my why, but I could spot the lie really easily! Thanks for selecting me as the Candid Cuddles quote of the week last week, I’m honored and look forward to linking up again.

  3. Kirsten Toyne says:

    I really love this. I hear in your story something that I have heard many times before. There is something about motherhood that lends itself to weight gain for some women and it is about more than the practicalities although they don’t help. In some ways in giving so much of ourselves we loose ourselves a little. Even though we do it willingly we kind of get a little lost and food can become a source pleasure for the self. It is of course very individual. However I have some suggestions that I use with clients who want to loose weight, to help them further explore what is going on. If you are interested let me know and I will drop you an email.
    Kirsten Toyne recently posted…Express Yourself – The Summer Holiday Self Worth Challenge Part 7My Profile

    • Lisa says:

      Your words are wise as ever, and I really believe that addressing why we are over-eating is critical to being able to make successful long term changes. I will drop you an email as I’d love to hear more about your suggestions, thanks Kirsten.

  4. Cheryl @ Reimer and Ruby says:

    I know how it feels gaining weight after pregnancy and not being able to get rid of it until it piled up… As long as you’ve got the right purpose and inspiration, you’ll be in the right track in no time. Good luck! #mummyandus

    • Lisa says:

      I still think of my extra rolls as ‘baby weight’, but when people ask how old the baby is its a bit embarrassing saying 12 lol!!Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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